Is that an egg in your pocket? …Or are you just happy it’s baseball season?

I have a new toy. It’s very needy and requires a lot of attention.

Google Images

Actually, not that. But oh how that brings me back to second grade… #nostalgia

I’m a big kid now, and I need big kid toys, and that is why I forked over $79.99 for an MLB.tv subscription. (Yes, I understand that’s enough for like, four tamagotchis). Now, if you’re looking for me, and I’m not in the library, or in class, or at Lids, or at work, I’m probably reclining on my 3inch memory foam mattress pad, sipping filtered water, and watching baseball on the internet. Who new living without a tv could be so glorious?

And while we’re on this tangent, and while you’re out there busy #notdoing what you #shouldbedoing, go ahead and vote for your favorite Midsummer Classic Moment.

Now, let’s get down to business, shall we? It’s time for… another #lineupchange! (a la Vin Scully). Yes, these will happen more than once a month, just to keep things interesting, and to keep me on top of my shit. #myshit= fantasy baseball.

I needed a new catcher/utility man to fill in for my man Russell Martin, as he’s on the day-to-day DL, but really I just wanted to snag this kid. good stuff for a rookie, right? (Not to mention he wears the hats I like). Let it be known, I called up J.P. Arencibia from free agency, and dropped my benchman Milton Bradley.

Also, I grabbed Mr. Nick Swisher, who shaves in the shower,

via NerdOutrage.com

from the bench and swapped him with Ichiro Suzuki for an outfield slot. You might think Swisher, the class clown, is annoying, but he’s a pretty cool cat, and I wish he was on my team so I could watch more of his antics.

Guess who’s back?

#Iamdisgusted in my poor performance as manager/owner/coach/etc. of the fantastic club, Team Peppered Fences (pun intended). I’m surprised I was allowed to log in to the ESPN fantasy website. My name is on the ballot for the #fantasybaseballhallofshame. What have I been doing for a whole month that led to the uncalled for neglect of my team? Well, if you must know, I: A.) took four college finals, and B.) moved across the country. So call me a wambulance. Needless to say, my #fantasy team won’t even look me in the #fantasy eye when we’re in the #fantasy clubhouse before the #fantasy game. (Do all those #hashtags annoy you?)

After I finally realized: A.) which email address to use, and B.) to which espn account I needed to log into to access my team, I discovered that Team Peppered Fences is in 10th place out of 10 teams #howembarrassing.

Good old (and apparently useless) Casey Blake has been left in my lineup at the 3B slot, despite his ongoing stint in the DL due to an elbow injury. To remedy this, I will do some shuffling of my athletes. I’m shifting Danny Valencia to 3B from 1B/3B, and James Loney from the bench to 1B/3b. Casey Blake is now benched. Additionally, Nick Swisher, OF, has been wishy-washy and on the DL, so I swapped him to the bench to welcome back Xavier Nady.

And by jove, what is spreading in the bullpen? Four out of my nine pitchers (Jonathan Broxton, Rafael Soriano, Johan Santana, and Hong-Chih Kuo) are on the DL. Did someone say desperate times?!  This is harsh news to hear after a month-long hiatus. No wonder Team Peppered Fences slipped into last place with about a 200-point deficit.

Lessons learned: 1.) Don’t abandon your team! 2.) Don’t abandon your team!

I suppose it takes a true rookie to make mistakes like these!

He’s the man!

But seriously… Mark Teixeira is The Man. This is why he’s my number 1 draft pick… too bad they don’t take defensive statistics into account for fantasy leagues. Check out this awesome play at first base from Tex on the game today at The O’s.

While I’m puttering around mlb.com checking out some great baseball videos, I might as well share a few more of my (most recent) favorites with you.

You remember our new pal, Angel Sanchez, don’t you? He and his ‘Stros (hopefully my dad isn’t the only one who says that) almost nabbed a triple-play on the Brewers in their game yesterday at Miller Park. Check out the pickle! Savvy?  AUTHOR’S NOTE: I would also like to take a moment to say that I was fortunate to visit beautiful Miller Park within the past year. The sausage race is by all means quality entertainment for the whole family. Go, Chorizo, Go!

via WikiHow.com

Finally, I bring you this last bit of delightful baseball hysterics. All you need is to read the caption: “Cubs Fan Spills Beer” Aw, poor Cubbies. Can somebody please tell him there’s no use crying over spilled beer? If you really want to cry, just be a Cubs fan.** But really, don’t. You actually have to watch the video to get a good laugh. Trust me! Your sides will hurt. Watch it seventeen times and show it to everyone you know. You’re welcome.

**DISCLAIMER: It is not my intention to speak ill of any team, nor alienate any fans. I am an honest-to-goodness baseball fan, and will cheer for any team and every player. I’m smitten with the Cubbies and Wrigley is a gorgeous ballpark!

The game has changed…

DISCLAIMER: Yes, the title for this post is a shameless TRON:Legacy reference. To be more specific, a soundtrack nod. Hopefully a few of you self-proclaimed geeks out there caught that one. If not, I’m handing it to you now, but you should really work on sharpening your wits for the future.

At any rate, what my metaphor hinted at was my dynamic lineup. I made a few changes to the lineup this morning, and hopefully they should go over smoothly. I checked my team roster online and noticed that a few of my starting batters should be replaced, for varying reasons:

1.  Milton Bradley (OF) is Day-To-Day after experiencing lower back spasms at the game yesterday. Apparently, he was sick prior to that, and missed a few games there as well. Somehow that flew by under my radar. I must be a horrible manager. Now Milton Bradley is benched, and I called up Johnny Damon (OF) to take his slot in the lineup. Johnny is an old pal of mine, from his days on a particular team, and I am happy to see that he is starting today, after his own stint on the DL. Although Johnny is still nursing a broken finger back to health, he went 2/5 yesterday with a couple of doubles.

2. Xavier Nady (OF) I sent to the bench to bring up Danny Valencia to the 1B/3B slot. X was not scheduled to start today, but I don’t think I made the change in time anyway, we’ll see.

3. Also, just brought in Angel Sanchez for my 2B/SS slot, after the transaction went through. Angel was my replacement for Rafael Furcal who is still on the DL. You can read more about that tough decision in my post “Deal or No Deal?” here.

And one more question… What if none of my pitchers are starting today? I don’t think that any of my pitchers are. I’ll get back to you on that one, dear readers.

Deal or No Deal?

Ok boys, I got some news for ya: We are welcoming a new member to our team tomorrow, and I want everyone to make sure he feels welcome. His name is Angel Sanchez (no not that Angel Sanchez), and he’s from Houston, so it might take him awhile to get used to the weather.

I think my speech in the clubhouse would go something like that…

Then I discovered if I add a player, I need to drop a player– seems obvious, right? But who am I going to let go? I have a hole in my batting lineup because Rafael Furcal, in my SS/2B slot, is on the 15-day DL with a broken thumb. That hole is costing me points, not to mention that my team is 9th out of 10! Should I drop him cause he’s injured? That way I can call up another player, like Angel, to the ranks. What’s the best strategy? Hang on to Rafael and wait it out till he’s healthy? Or do I toss him into the stands like a foul ball? Maybe I should be less attached to my team, besides, it’s not like I’m really hurting anyone’s feelings, right? Rafael, hopefully, is far too busy to check out his fantasy league rankings. Just because he’s on the DL doesn’t mean he’s sitting at home on twitter, watching reruns of The Cosby Show, and eating cheetos.

Regardless, this whole season is about learning. And you learn from your mistakes, don’t you? So here’s my plan: I’m going to drop Rafael altogether. No more of this hole-in-my-lineup-cause-I-can’t-hurt-his-feelings business. I’m adding Angel, who’s batting .302 right now (nice!). And finally, just so I can wallow in self-loathing later, I’ll put Rafael on my watchlist. That way, I can have a constant reminder of how he performs once he’s no longer on my team. Whether he recovers and goes All-Star and Batting Title and Gold Glove, or if he’s out for the rest of the season, I’ll be able to reflect on this moment with either pride or discontent.

That wasn’t so hard. See how it helps you solve problems when you blog it out?

UPDATE: I made the right decision. Rafael is expected to be out 4-6 weeks! Research pays off, you guys. Maybe not in real life, but at least in the world of fantasy baseball it does.

First day of league play

Apparently I fell a little behind because practically half of my lineup (some hyperbole for ya) didn’t even play today! Is that fair? I guess as a manager I’m supposed to keep track of these things, and adjust my lineup accordingly in advance. This is why I’m in the Rookie League, you guys, Newbies Only! No worries, I can learn on the job.

I definitely need to find a player to fill my 2B/SS slot. I was in a pinch and sent Rafael Furcal to the bench, as he is on the 15-day DL. Swapped in Omar Infante– and (of course) it so happens his game at Phils was postponed (due to rain)!

Big props to Mark Teixeira (he’s the man) for bringing in 17 points out of a measly 39 total points for my batting lineup. Tex certainly gets the MVP title for today. He’s a champ– check out those batting stats! 2 runs, a homer, and 3 ribbies.

Also lookin’ good today is my man at shortstop, Ryan “The Riot” Theriot. He brought home a bit of bacon as well, with 3 hits.

First Fantasy Draft

Here is my roster for my first fantasy league baseball draft! Whew….

Let’s talk about the draft process, shall we? Disappointments, triumphs, and the generalized frenzy of those 30 minutes. Who were my top picks? Which players did I score, and to whom did I tearfully wave “goodbye!” to as they boarded the bus for Other-Teams-Ville, USA? (Who said there’s no crying in fantasy baseball?)